


an aching in my bones (a throbbing in my heart)

by matskreider



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Touch Starved, Dom Juuse, Dom/sub Play, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, sub pekka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-23 03:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11980716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matskreider/pseuds/matskreider
Summary: “Weeks? I can’t just take weeks off, I have to-”“Listen to me and heal yourself. Juuse, you can’t even handle the weight of a couple ounces of ice. There’s no way you’ll be able to withstand the weight of your gear, never mind being able to do any sort of skating. I’m sorry. But there’s no way that you’re playing. Not in this state.”And then they’d given him his crutches and helped him to get upright again, with strict instructions on how to rest and ice his bruises for the next 10 days. “Then we’ll see if we can get your bones talking to us again.”As he limped his way, slowly, ever so slowly, out of the trainers, Juuse’s not surprised to see Pekka waiting for him. The starting goaltender takes one look at the metal structures supporting his protege and his expression falls from careful neutrality to devastating heartbreak.(healing is a two way street)





	an aching in my bones (a throbbing in my heart)

**Author's Note:**

> this was actually done as a request from an anon, but it got too long for me to comfortably post it on tumblr. anon simply asked for h/c juuse/pekka, and it turned into this. i hope you enjoy!
> 
> also, for those of you who follow me on tumblr, this piece falls into my deficient & determined au. if y'all are curious, you can check it out from the beginning [here.](https://eddieluongo.tumblr.com/tagged/au%3A-deficient-%26-determined/chrono)

Comparatively, Juuse knows it’s not that bad. He knows that he’s had worse. And he knows that he’ll continue to have and get worse throughout his career. It’s one of the occupational hazards of the game he plays, and of the position that he finds himself in. It’s  _ normal.  _

But when the trainer tells him that he’s gotten a bone bruise, in addition to the dark purple mottled spots spreading from his hip up to his ribs and down to his thigh, he can feel his aspirations sinking.

“I can’t do  _ anything? _ ” he remembers asking, from where he was lying on the trainer’s bench, barely hiding his wince as they flipped over the ice pack on his side. 

“A bone bruise is less severe than a bone fracture, but you still have a lot of fluid build up around the joint. And since you’ve got muscular bruises on top of it, I can’t tell at the moment if it’s on your pelvis or your femur,” the trainer responds, giving Juuse a pointed look. “If we’re lucky, you’ll be back within a couple weeks.” 

“ _ Weeks?  _ I can’t just take  _ weeks  _ off, I have to-”

“Listen to me and heal yourself. Juuse, you can’t even handle the weight of a couple ounces of ice. There’s no way you’ll be able to withstand the weight of your gear, never mind being able to do any sort of skating. I’m sorry. But there’s no way that you’re playing. Not in this state.” 

And then they’d given him his crutches and helped him to get upright again, with strict instructions on how to rest and ice his bruises for the next 10 days. “Then we’ll see if we can get your bones talking to us again.” 

As he limped his way, slowly, ever so slowly, out of the trainers, Juuse’s not surprised to see Pekka waiting for him. The starting goaltender takes one look at the metal structures supporting his protege and his expression falls from careful neutrality to devastating heartbreak.

Juuse doesn’t want to meet Pekka’s gaze, instead staring somewhere over his boyfriend’s left shoulder. He doesn’t want to see that upset, lost expression so soon because then he knows he’ll want to fix it, but right now he can’t even fix himself. And what kind of person would he be if he were to let his boyfriend down? Who would he be if he couldn’t help him, nor play hockey?

“...What did they say?” Pekka asks, his volume conversational but his tone almost nervous.

Juuse squeezes his hands on the bars in his crutches, just to give himself something to do. “I’m out for a couple weeks.” 

“What is it?” 

“You know what they’ll say. ‘Lower body injury.’”

Pekka seems to recoil into himself at that. He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out his car keys. “Let’s go back,” he says softly, stepping away from the wall and headed towards the door.

Juuse follows, the click of the crutches a much slower pace than his usual bounding rhythm. Pekka holds the door open for him, and he finally looks up at his face. He sees worry and he sees concern, but he doesn’t see the hopeless, lost expression he thought he would. His cheeks burn slightly at his presumptuous thoughts earlier, that one bruise to his own body would be enough to shake Pekka from his foundation. 

He’s not that lost.

He leans into Pekka’s chest briefly, pressing his shoulder and cheek to the t-shirt he’d gotten from one of his sponsored events, however long ago. Pekka gently presses a kiss to the top of Juuse’s head - quick, but still loving.

It’s all the forgiveness Juuse feels like he deserves in that moment.

* * *

By the time they make it back home, Juuse’s explained to Pekka more or less the instructions that he’d been given as far as icing goes, how he should keep his hips elevated, and the average amount of drugs he could take to deal with the pain. The trip inside is made only a little bit complicated by the set of stairs leading into the kitchen from the garage, but he manages.

Pekka pulls up AppleTV and hands the remote to Juuse. “Pick whatever you want, I’m going to make us something,” he offers, the end of his statement lilting up a little bit, like it’s a question.

Juuse looks up at Pekka as he takes the remote, his fingers brushing Pekka’s. “Thank you,” he answers, giving Pekka a small nod. 

The tension in Pekka’s shoulders drops a little as he gets Juuse’s assent, and he makes his way back into the kitchen to get started. Juuse, meanwhile, flicks around the viable options, before deciding to open up Netflix and continue with Parks and Rec. 

He’s about halfway through the one with the snake juice by the time Pekka comes back, balancing two mugs and a bowl of popcorn. Juuse reaches up to take one of the mugs from Pekka, and cradles it in his hands, warming his still kind of frozen fingers. The dark pink paint peeking between his fingers gets a delighted hum from him. “The Moomin mugs  _ and  _ chocolate popcorn? Really pulling out the big guns, aren’t you?”

Pekka folds himself next to Juuse, choosing to sit on the side that  _ isn’t  _ bruised, and settles the bowl between the two of them, balancing on their thighs. He shrugs, taking a sip of his own hot chocolate. “I wanted to make you feel better,” he offers, his voice soft. 

On screen, the credits roll and another episode queues up. 

“I know, and I appreciate that,” Juuse answers, putting his hand on Pekka’s knee. He gently swipes his thumb over the joint, beyond frustrated with the situation they now found themselves in, but still appreciative of Pekka’s gestures. “I’m lucky to have you. You know that, right?” 

Pekka hesitates, his fingers tightening slightly on his mug. It takes a moment, but eventually he nods. It’s progress from only a mere year ago.

“Color?” He’s not planning on a scene right now. Hell, he probably won’t be able to do one for a few more days, at the very least. But it wouldn’t hurt to continue like all was normal, and that included their post-practice check in.

“...Yellow.” 

“What about?” 

Pekka takes another sip of his hot chocolate, and Juuse leaves his hand on his knee. He gathers his thoughts, and then finally looks Juuse in the eye, and  _ there  _ it is.

“You’re hurt.” 

Two short words, almost childish in their simplicity, but enough in this moment.

“I’ll get better,” Juuse answers, sliding his hand up a little bit until he’s resting his hand on Pekka’s mid-thigh. “Nothing’s broken. Just a lot of bruises. It looks worse than it is.” 

“But…” He takes a breath, before he puts his mug on the side table. “You’ve never been this badly injured before. And I know you’re going to get better. But it’s...still scary.” 

“That’s understandable,” he explains, making sure to not immediately negate what Pekka was feeling. That never ended well, and it’s a weird practice to begin with, in his opinion. “What can I do to help you?” 

At this, Pekka falls silent. He looks down at Juuse’s hand on his leg, and hesitantly curls his fingers into Juuse’s, covering the younger man’s hand with his own. 

Juuse allows him the time to explore whatever places he went in his own head when he got like this, finishing off his own drink and putting it on the table on his end of the couch. He took a couple of pieces of popcorn with his free hand, making sure not to pull the hand Pekka was holding onto away from him.

Eventually, Pekka finds his answers.

“This. Please. I want to be able to take care of you. But I still….you to take care of me.” 

He skips over the verb in that sentence, on purpose, Juuse knows. He doesn’t want to come across as needy by saying  _ I  _ **_need_ ** _ you to take care of me,  _ and he doesn’t want to come across as selfish by saying  _ I  _ **_want_ ** _ you to take care of me. _

It doesn’t change the fact that it’s the truth.

“I can do that.” His watch goes off and he offers it to Pekka. “Can you do this for me?” 

The older goalie swipes on the screen to make the alarm go away, but then nods. He stands, heading back into the kitchen to grab one of the ice packs they kept on hand specifically for this reason.

He comes back shortly thereafter, and motions for Juuse to shift onto his side, lying across the couch as a whole. Gently, so very gently, he pulls down the waistband on his sweatpants, allowing him to rest the towel wrapped ice pack directly on the bruise. Juuse bites back the yelp of shock he wants to make, instead settling for a whiny gasp.

Pekka coos to him in Finnish, gently running his hand down Juuse’s side, stopping just before the bruising. 

Slowly the shock from the ice fades, and he’s able to relax the tension filling his body. “Thank you,” he says softly. “I’m sorry that I’m kind of taking up the whole couch now though.” 

Pekka shakes his head, settling down on the floor by Juuse’s head. “I’d rather...this,” he says quietly, resting his head close enough for Juuse to pet the soft blond locks offered to him. 

“Okay, babe. Do you want your collar?” 

Another shake of the head, and that’s perfectly fine too.

“Okay. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

They settled in to watch more Parks and Rec, Juuse idly watching as Leslie Knope tried her best to get anyone to care about the state of Pawnee, Pekka more so in it for the hair petting. Eventually, he dozes off, and Juuse knows that he should probably wake him up so that he doesn’t wind up with numb body parts whenever he eventually does wake up, he also feels a little bit vindicated in this.

That even though he’s physically set back, he can still provide for his sub the way he needs, as well as his boyfriend the way that  _ he  _ needs. Juuse wasn’t looking for a servant to wait on him, and Pekka wasn’t that kind of sub to begin with. What made him a sub was sheer neglect, if anything else. Juuse wanted to fix that, to show him that he could be valued as a person independent of what he could offer people.

It would be silly of him to think that Pekka wouldn’t want the same for him, in any case. So he gently presses a kiss to the top of Pekka’s head, lingering a bit longer in the privacy of their own home. A sleepy hum of recognition is the only acknowledgement that Juuse receives.

It’s more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> and then pekka wakes up and carries juuse off to bed and they figure out how exactly to sleep. i hope this was what anon had in mind!
> 
> feel free to hit me up on [tumblr,](http://eddieluongo.tumblr.com/) too.


End file.
